Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
