How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
