Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize