Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
