Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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