So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
