oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
