he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
