Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize