Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
