so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
