I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He passed out mid-signature
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I touched a dick in church today
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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