Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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