i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
