Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
