Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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