got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
