I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
