i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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