Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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