I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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