He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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