Don't make out with my wife yet
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
