I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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