Yo dont text me then not text me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize