I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
false alarm, still single
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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