I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
