Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize