We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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