I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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