Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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