I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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