I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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