I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
