I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
