i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
this hospital has no fireball
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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