Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
