I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
