my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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