i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
