I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
