i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
