while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
