Where did you get a picture of my penis
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
