in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
