so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
