I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
