im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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