11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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