Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
