Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize