I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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