You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
