Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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