He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize