I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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