Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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