I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
