when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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