You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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