yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
