i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Drunk is a universal language darling
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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