I'm going to jail i love you
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
