i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He? As in you personified your dick?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Randomize
