So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
