I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
