I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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