on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize