So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
