She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize