Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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