Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
