I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
