i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
it was like eating out sand paper
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
They took my balls.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
