Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
