dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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