He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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