he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
