I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
