We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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