Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
