Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
home. puking in laundry basket.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
