My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
