i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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