my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
