And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
