On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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