he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
