I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
