i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
