I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
