Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
