Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
