oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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