I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
