I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
